Thirty Reasons Why
by TheChasm
Summary: "Why am I even friends with you lot?" Remus groans. He should have known his friends would take that as a challenge. / A fluffy Marauder one-shot.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**

**A/N: I'm really, really not sure about this piece. It's not my best piece of work. I was in the mood for some fluffy Marauder cuteness, though, and I hope you'll like it!**

**Written for: **

**The Star Challenge, Capella (write about the Marauders)**

**The Snakes and Ladders Challenge (write about James Potter I)**

**The "So you think you know your character" competition (Who are your friends and why?)**

**The Gemstone Competition, Aquamarine (write about a strong friendship)**

**The Acrostic-y Challenge of Chapter Titles Competition (letter T, using the prompt tapping fingers)**

**The word count without the author's note is 1347.**

* * *

**Thirty Reasons Why**

"That went well," said Peter, as James and Sirius walked out of the Potions classroom.

"Now, Wormtail," Sirius said, clapping him on the shoulder. "All true pranksters must fail sometimes."

Remus pushed himself off the wall where he and Peter had been waiting. "What were you _thinking? _Really, did your brains just disengage? It wasn't even an imaginative prank!"

"Moony! It was a classic," James said indignantly. "And you were as guilty as us."

"No, I tried to stop you."

This was not strictly true. After a few half-hearted protests, Remus had joined in with the prank quite happily, and Snape probably wouldn't look _nearly_ as ridiculous if Remus's perfectly-aimed firework hadn't made his Draught of Living Death explode just after he had added the lizard blood. The worst part, though, was that Professor Slughorn had hauled James and Sirius off to his desk for a talking-to, but Remus and Peter got off on the respective talents of being able to look angelic and being able to talk their way out of anything.

So now Sirius had a week of detention. Wonderful.

"We'd better start working on something bigger," James was saying thoughtfully.

"Oh yeah," Sirius said, brightening considerably. "The end-of-term feast is coming up."

"Do you learn _nothing_?" Remus sighed. "You just got in trouble for a prank and now you're planning the next one! Why am I even friends with you lot?"

"Is that a challenge, Moony?" Sirius asked with a grin. "One: we brighten your Potions lessons and distract Slughorn from your pitiful excuses for Draughts of Living Death. Two: we bring you school-wide fame when you participate in our epic pranks."

"Three," said Peter, joining in, "we know the quickest shortcuts to get to lunch on time." They had now arrived at the Great Hall.

"Four," continued Sirius, nudging James, "we provide you with brilliant entertainment such as regularly making fools of ourselves in front of pretty girls."

James tore his gaze away from Lily Evans' dark red head further down the table. "Five: all the first years are scared of us."

"Okay, you can stop now," said Remus, looking a bit worried.

* * *

Sirius, James and Peter exchanged evil grins, and his shoulders slumped in resignation.

Over the next few weeks, it went on. At every opportunity they saw, Sirius, James and Peter gave Remus some increasingly ridiculous reason for why they were friends.

"Seven: we're the only people on the planet who won't hit you with _Avada Kedavra_ once you start on one of your tangents about the seventh-year DADA textbook."

* * *

"Eight: we take _notes_ for you when your furry little problem is getting you down. Can you imagine the torture we go through for your sake, Moony? _Notes!_"

* * *

"Nine: we get you into trouble with McGonagall, thereby proving to her that you are in fact a person and not a walking book."

* * *

"Ten: we protect you from thugs."

At this point Remus put down his Arithmancy essay and stared at James. "I'm perfectly capable of protecting myself, thanks, Prongs."

"Not true," Sirius chipped in. "Remember that time with the fifth-year Slytherin and the vase of –"

"All right, time to shut up, Pads."

"Eleven: we won't let you suffocate in a dusty old room with all your books, because we help you do this thing called _having fun,"_ said Peter, making a swipe for the essay. Remus yanked it away, glaring at him.

* * *

"Thirteen: we give you such exquisite culinary delights as salted strawberries," James offered at breakfast the next morning.

"Delightful," Remus said dryly, pushing his bowl away and wrinkling his nose. "How many reasons are we aiming for here, anyway?"

There was something about the warmth of camaraderie and the intense delight of being with his friends that made Sirius laugh. "There's too many to count, Moony."

* * *

"Fourteen: we bring you chocolate when we go down to the kitchens."

* * *

"Fifteen: we let you have the first shower."

"That's only because I wake up earlier than the rest of you," said Remus. "And you're not exactly convincing me as to your stellar friendship."

"Sixteen," Sirius continued with a grin, "we put up with all your long words."

* * *

"Seventeen: we help you when you're studying for Potions tests."

* * *

"Nineteen: we buy you presents on your birthday."

"I'm supposed to be _thankful_ for that?" Remus demanded.

"Of course. We're your amazing, brilliant friends, remember? Everything we do is wonderful."

"Twenty: we make you smile with our various endearing habits, such as tapping our fingers on the desk or twiddling our quills when we're working," James suggested.

Sirius stared at him. "_Nobody_ finds that endearing, Prongs."

"Whatever. Twenty-one: we force you to come to after-Quidditch parties, thereby ensuring that you actually have a life."

"Sitting in a corner watching people get drunk is called 'having a life'?"

"No, Moony. Getting drunk is called having a life. Merlin, you're never going to get laid at this rate."

* * *

"Twenty-two: we have wonderful musical talent."

"If you mean your singing in the shower, Wormtail…"

"Actually, Pads, I was talking about the teacups we're meant to be enchanting to play Mozart right now."

"Well, I wasn't. Twenty-three: we draw you wonderful pictures."

"What _is _that? Frog intestines draped over a flutterby bush?"

"Of course not. It's a Hippogriff. Merlin, Moony, have some appreciation for art."

* * *

"Twenty-five: we have interesting decorative techniques."

Remus sat up in his bed and stared at the room in horror. "Merlin. What have you _done?_"

The dormitory was strewn with rolls of toilet paper haphazardly hung from the tops of the four-poster beds, dangling from the window-sill and even tucked into the crack between the ceiling and the door. It looked rather like an excited puppy had discovered the wonders of the long rolls and become a little over-excited. Then again, Sirius supposed, that was what _had_ happened, in a way. If you could call the huge black dog a puppy.

"It's a surprise," James said cheerfully. "To ease you into the horrors of the week ahead."

Remus grimaced, probably thinking about the full moon in three days' time. "Don't remind me. Can you get this stuff away from my bed so that I can actually get up?"

"Twenty-six," Peter said brightly, "we get rid of toilet paper that has mysteriously appeared around your bed. Malicious plots, Moony, I'm telling you."

Remus rolled his eyes.

* * *

"Twenty-seven: we put up with your volatile moods."

Peter, as usual, was being completely dense. Remus had been quiet all day, probably feeling the tug of the moon on his emotions and wishing to avoid snapping at them, and still Peter carried on. Sirius tried to avoid a sigh of exasperation, but Remus didn't seem to mind.

"Twenty-eight," James said, clearly hoping to cheer him up, "we give you a chance to do loads of research in the name of creating the greatest pranking item the world has ever seen."

Remus smiled, glancing towards the huge book of magical cartography lying on the table beside him, and the sketchy outline of their new map rolled up on top. "That's true," he acknowledged. His eyes had brightened considerably. "You know, I was thinking about how we'd enchant the staircases…"

Sirius gave James a thumbs-up.

* * *

"Twenty-nine: we carry your bag for you," Peter suggested, pausing at the end of the corridor to wait for the other three to catch up.

"No, Wormy," said Sirius. "You carry Moony's bag. We carry Moony."

"You're not _carrying _me per se," Remus protested. "Just… supporting me."

"Of course," James agreed soothingly. "We're just helping you along a bit." He gave Sirius a wide smirk over the drooping brown head.

Remus's eyes fluttered closed almost before they had laid him on his bed in the Hospital Wing, and looking at the small, frail body curled up beneath the sheets Sirius felt a sudden surge of affection.

"Thirty," he whispered, reaching out to squeeze his friend's shoulder. Remus twitched a little in his sleep. "We'll always be here for you."

* * *

**A/N: Please let me know what you thought!**

**~Butterfly**


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